Real-deal linens add color, style and old-school flair to your home.

Cloth napkins are my first choice for a quick and easy way to add some character to your pad.  Placemats take the inner-midwest right out of me, allowing me to relax and enjoy suppertime and company (as opposed to worrying about how that jolly-sloshed, oily vinaigrette is going to be a royal pain in my ass to remove from our white, frilly tablecloth.)

Yes, I know. You have to wash these things, but you also have to wash your underwear. I don't hear you complaining about that.

your new favourite band: supper roses and the happy mats

The coral reef elk were an added bonus after scavenging through the bone-dry and ultra-boring linens a few weeks ago at Salvation Army in Williamsburg (Brooklyn, NY). Total damage: $3.99 + tax

My wildly successful napkin adventure at Goodwill on Fulton Street at Franklin (Brooklyn, NY) brought me home with 8 of these lovely rose numbers, plus 6 never-used West Elm lookers, that's 14 [dark-colored, hooray!] napkins for (drumroll please...): $4.31

I've learned to avoid the siren-song-pastel or light-colored napkins because whoever deemed them appropriate for regular table use must have been on a Lunchable and cereal diet. All cooking done in our household involves butter or olive oil, both of which so happen to be our light-colored napkins' fatal enemies.

Unlike your wardrobe, a healthy linen line not only accepts patterns, but also finds them desirable! Combining too many patterns/color schemes can be tricky, try to get some solid-colored things to balance out the patterns.

For sage advice on the linen front, I've consulted the Linen Queen, my best friend and one of my happiest-home making friends about her tactics. With not so much time on your hands to dig through the endless piles of not-so-cute Salvation Army, Goodwill or Savers linen sections, your best bet for chic linens, especially tablecloths, is an antique store.

She also mentioned her newest strategy for cute napkins, a real timesaver, Etsy! You'll find handmade things and lots of vintage selections, and [big plus] the vendors actually mail them to you.

If you happen to win the lottery, check out Anthropologie's home section. This could, in fact, be the most sumptuous of all linen sections. I still can't believe someone actually gets paid to populate that part of the store, or make that luscious catalogue every few months!

Many cities have a City-wide Garage Sale or big charity garage sale of some sort where you pay by the pound for (oftentimes) antique and vintage stuff. Bring a cart and be prepared to fight for that peach, lacy number, though. All manners and etiquette are usually checked at the door with your coats when hitting up these seasoned-shopper conventions.

So, now you've draped your table, towel racks and maybe your kids/pets with the prettiest of pretties, but what happens when actual life intervenes in your decorating:

• It's chicken night and you have intricate baby blue napkins?!?


• Your helpful friend cleaned up dog puke with your cute, gauzy towel? [gee thanks!]


• Kids dropped the fruits of their labor on the kitchen table, potatoes (and worms) dug up from the garden?!

Suggestions for removing those happy-life stains:

• OxyClean Free removes just about anything when the item is soaked in it long enough


• Lestoil is what the lady at the antique tablecloth booth at BKLYN Flea told me to use on "grandma's linens"


• Biz Stainfighter apparently also works